


Stupid, Stupid Kakashi

by Sheeswee



Category: Naruto
Genre: A bunch of drabbles that I crammed together, Comedy, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Lost in the Woods, M/M, Post-Canon, Uchiha Obito Lives, almost a fix it, i guess I gave Obito asthma?, why not make him suffer more am I right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 13:27:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14916221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sheeswee/pseuds/Sheeswee
Summary: Obito is brought back to Konoha and gets his chakra sealed. He then gets lost in the woods with an exhausted Kakashi. And so, to the woods they go.





	Stupid, Stupid Kakashi

Obito kneeled, taking a deep breath. “You requested to see me, Bitch-kage?” He froze as he realized what he said and glanced up at the Hokage woman who he could not remember the name of at the moment. Shit shit shit.

Here’s the problem about labeling everyone with code names- you can never remember their real ones.

She narrowed her eyes at him and he wished he could just Kamui away and be anywhere else. Anywhere, even Madara’s cave seemed more welcoming at the moment.

The woman sighed. “Honestly, Obito. I know your upbringing was,” she paused. “Questionable, but my name is Tsunade, please address me as so.” She gave him a blood chilling smile and Obito nodded quickly. Not the time and place to slip up.

She walked to sit at her desk and motioned for him to stand.

“The Leaf has decided to allow you to stay, but we’re going to have to take precautions,” Obito silently sent a prayer up to Rin that they wouldn’t seal his eye.

“We’ll start by sealing your eye and limiting your chakra,” 

Of course. Always had to lose an eye somehow.

“Tsunade-sama,” he cut in, do you have a place for me to stay?” Patience was a virtue he mused, but today he decided he wanted some dango and a place to sleep. Preferably under a roof. Unless Konoha wanted to chain him in the town center for everyone to see. Not like that would be the cruelest thing Konoha had done.

Tsunade took a deep breath. “Hatake-kun offered to let you stay-“ 

“Bakashi?” He laughed. “No fucking way I’m sharing a house with him. He doesn’t even have a house, he lives in a goddamn apartment!” 

Of course Kakashi would request for Obito to stay with him, the damn sadist. What would he gain, a good laugh at Obito’s sorry state? Oh right, his state would be much sorrier when Tsunade sealed half his chakra so he couldn’t go around murdering civilians like some kind of psychopath.

“Obito, we’re sealing you chakra for the saftey of the Leaf and the comfort of our citizens. You led the Akatsuki and orchestrated the fourth great shinobi war, we have to do something. I’ve talked with the Yamanaka head who will help us in the process. Kakashi and where you stay is the least of my concern currently.”

And so, Tsunade put him into handcuffs again and led him to the Yamanaka district so they could fuck with his chakra.

-

Obito waved his hand to the Yamanaka as he closed the door. Finally out of there. Immediately he flared his chakra. “Katon, goukakyuu no jutsu!” He breathed out, expecting a magnificent burst of flames. All he saw was a puff of smoke. Smoke? “Oh that motherfucker.” 

They’d sealed all of his chakra? He breathed in, pinching the bridge of his nose in furstration. He couldn’t even get his mangekyou to awaken, at least his sharingan still would. He felt like a genin.

-

“KAKASHI!” He barked, kicking hard at the door, “IM HERE, ASSHOLE-“ the door swung open and Kakashi gave him a glare.

“I have neighbors, you know.” His voice was heavy with exhaustion.

Obito snorted, “Yeah well when they find out I’m living here they’ll leave. Every citizen in Konoha is convinced that I’m a goddamn serial killer out for them.” He pushed past Kakashi and tossed his bag off stuff onto the couch, not that he had a lot. (His old Tobi mask and a couple hundred yen was all).

“For good reason, Obito.” Kakashi said back, sounding very weary. “You did try to take over the world, didn’t you?”

Obito glanced at the sorry state of the sagging couch. “I’m not napping there. Get me a bed.”

Kakashi gave him a deadpan stare. “Then sleep on the floor. I’m already paying for enough food to feed you, be a good guest.”

Obito was on the floor, digging out various weapons and manuals from under the couch. “Hm, I didn’t know you were a hoarder, Bakashi.”

“I’m not, I just live in a small apartment and have many things.”

“Why not get a bigger place? Surely you have money with the amount of missions you’ve done.” Obito was trying to balance a kunai on his finger.

Kakashi shrugged. “I’m comfortable here.” He ducked away as the kunai Obito was toying with whizzed past his head. “And no, I don’t care if you’re uncomfortable. Now there’s a kunai stuck in my wall.”

Obito crawled onto the couch. Three days had passed since the end of the fourth ninja war. Two days of rallying citizens together and healing the wounded, then a day of interrogation. For Obito, at least.

Every shinobi was exhausted, most sleeping. Which probably explained why Kakashi was staggering like he could pass out at any moment. Stupid Kakashi.

-

Being a Konoha citizen again was odd. Everything was new, yet it all felt so similar. Shops and homes rebuilt, but all in the same places. Except for the Uchiha district. 

It was sad. Blocked by construction tape and filled with ravaged homes. It was a place Obito once knew well. He supposed his old house would still be there. Filled with books on awakening sharingan, scattered weapons, photos of his team way back when, the remains of a bouquet of flowers he would never be able to give away.

What he did notice, though, was that even though he didn’t need to eat anymore, he was swept with nostalgia at the thought of Ichiraku ramen or some dango.

Dango. Now he needed some.

-

Obito took a deep breath. Both dango shops were closed. This was okay, this was all fine, he knew a good shop in Kirigakure and- that’s right. No Kamui. 

Obito stiffened, Kakashi could still Kamui.

-

“So you’re saying you want me to magically teleport us to Kirigakure to get some dango?”  
Obito nodded eagerly.

He put his hands on Kakashi’s shoulders and leaned forward. “It will be fun!” He cooed, watching Kakashi’s masked face screwed up in apprehension.

“The problem is,” Kakashi started, “I don’t know how to teleport with Kamui.”

And with that began their long Kamui teleportation explination.

-

With attempt one they materialized on the Hokage stone faces. “Good try,” Obito said, “but we need to go about one thousand two hundred miles more west.”

With attempt two they materialized in the Land of the Waves’ hot springs. “Closer,” Obito chimed, really wanting dango, “but now we need to go far south!”

Attempt three and four left them both deep in a forest. Obito smiled. “Now this is very off! Let’s try-“

Kakashi fell over.

Obito kicked him. “Bakashi now is no time for naps.” Oh shit, he realized, Kakashi was out of chakra. Fucking Bakashi got them stranded in some random forest and passed out on him. Asshole. 

Obito stood there, smiling, refusing to acknowledge their situation when he remembered a comforting fact from previous times of not-so-stalking Kakashi. When Kakashi ran out of chakra he’d be out for weeks.

Shit.

-

How long had it been? An hour? Three? 

Obito had been sitting, definitely not pouting, braiding some grass stalks while the sun got lower in the sky. It had gone from glaring through the overhead trees to being a dull light on the horizon.

Definitely more than an hour, he decided.

He yanked at the knot in the grass as he messed up and let out a huff of frustration. Honestly, he would kill Kakashi for this.

Speaking of Kakashi, he was sprawled out in the long grass a few feet away, in a peaceful sleep. 

“Screw you for getting to have a good nap while I’m stuck watching over you.” Obito muttered, watching the grass wave lazily across the unconscious man’s masked face. “And screw you for always wearing a stupid mask!” Obito yelled, leaping forward, hands grabbing for the fabric.  
He felt himself freeze up an inch away. He could HEAR Kakashi’s stupid voice saying “But isn’t a mystery more alluring?”

Reluctantly he pulled away. Stupid stupid stupid.

Not that he wasn’t experienced in being bored before. A year or two in a cave with nothing to do and then twenty or so years of carrying out some dumb plan had taught him that patience was a virtue. A pointless one at that.

He flicked Kakashi’s cheek, taking a long breath. Stupid Kakashi. Stupid, handsome, probably beautiful Kakashi who changed his whole burst of villainy by just looking at him. Stupid stupid stupid-

He heard a rustle from nearby and mentally patted himself on the back for his good senses. It was a squirrel, not that it mattered, but at least watching it provided something to take his attention off of swooning over his enemy-friend. Stupid emotions.

Some deep instinctual part of him whispered that a squirrel was prey and prey was food. Not that he needed to eat, but Kakashi.. stupid Kakashi!

Obito shifted his weight into the tips of his feet and sat there hunched. An uncomfortable position, honestly.

He was a shinobi feared by nations, equal to Madara Uchiha, who had taken down the fourth hokage and the entire Uchiha clan. He would catch this squirrel, with or without chakra.

He kept still, the squirrel searching for something through the grass about six feet away, not looking at him.

Obito leaned back slightly, gathering what little energy he could into his legs, then leapt forward.

It was spectacularly unspectacular. 

Expecting a boost of energy to propel him, Obito fell flat on his face only inches from where he jumped. He glanced up quickly, leaping to his feet and giving chase to the now-running squirrel. Curse his lack of chakra!

The squirrel was fast, and Obito, unaided by chakra, was not nearly as fast. Not only was he slower-than-your-average-shinobi, but he was breathing hard. He couldn’t cycle oxygen through his body like normal. 

Wow, Obito thought, not having chakra fucking sucks.

The squirrel raced up a tree and Obito grinned to himself. The tree was in a open clearing, no other trees to jump to. The squirrel was trapped.

He stopped at the base of the tree to catch his breath. Honestly, breathing was a pain.

He peered up through the branches, not seeing the squirrel. Not caring, he jumped, snagging a branch, and swung himself intro the tree. He may not have chakra, but he had years of training to back him up. And yet his chest still ached. He’d have to check on that later.

Climbing into the higher branches he stalled. They were getting thin, and he was definitely big enough to snap them and be sent flying down. Not that he was worried about falling, even though he was just a bit.

The squirrel was just above him, and sprang into a leap.

In a flash he remembered the one thing he still had was his sharingan, even if he could only keep it activated for a few minutes every hour or so.

He blinked hard and snatched the squirrel mid air. Fuck yeah, that was pretty cool.

It was much, much less cool when the squirrel shrieked and bit his hand, and then he shrieked and fell out of the tree.

-

Much, much later Obito returned to his little campsite with a squirrel in hand and hair full of leaves. His pride was restored, even if his lungs were burning.

Kakashi waved to him, awake. “Hm, I was wondering where you’d been off to.”

Obito hid the joy on his face that he was awake. Not that he was that happy, only a bit. Only a lot.  
He stuck the squirrel out, grinning. “Guess who caught dinner!”

Kakashi tilted his head, looking concerned. “You look like you dragged yourself out of Madara’s evil lair. What happened?”

Obito went to retort when he felt the wind leave him again. Stupid lungs. He shook his head to Kakashi and walked over to sit beside him.

“Kakashi, check my chest, would you?” He rasped.

He felt a warm hand on his back and relaxed into the touch, settling his breathing a bit.

Kakashi let out an annoyed noise and pulled his hand away. “Obito, did you know you have asthma?”

Obito blinked. “I have what now?”

“Well,” Kakashi said, his eyes scanning the ground, “I think you’ve never showed any symptoms because you’ve been able to cycle chakra and oxygen automatically, but without chakra your body is completely self reliant. So your lungs haven’t been able to keep up with the sudden change.”

Obito groaned, falling onto his back. “Stupid, stupid Kakashi, this is all your fault.”

“For what, diagnosing you before you run off and die?”

“For getting us stuck out here.”

“You wanted the dango.”

Kakashi being conscious was nice, he supposed. At least now he wouldn’t have to force feed him the squirrel.

“Hey,” Obito sat up suddenly, leaning into Kakashi. “Can you Kamui us home now?”

Kakashi gave him a glare. “I won’t be able to walk for days, I doubt Kamui is an option.”

Obito grinned. “Then, how about dinner?” He dangled the squirrel in Kakashi’s face.

Yeah, maybe this wasn’t all too bad after all.

-

“What are these?” Kakashi asked after he had eaten, somehow stealthily hiding his face the whole time. 

Obito peered closer and felt his face heat up when he noticed the stalks of braided grass in Kakashi’s hand. 

Snatching the braid from Kakashi, he hastily tore it into pieces. “It’s nothing, I just got bored waiting for you to wake up, lazy bastard.” 

He leaned forward to comb through the long grass at his feet and his breath hitched when he felt Kakashi’s fingers in his hair. They combed through slowly, tucking a strand behind his ear. 

What the hell was Kakashi doing? And could he please never stop doing it?

“Obito, your roots are growing back black, did you know that?” Kakashi asked softly, moving to pet Obito’s hair again.

Obito was stock still, maybe if he didn’t move Kakashi would keep going? “No,” he replied lazily. Holy shit human contact felt nice after years of isolation and battling.

Kakashi pulled his hand away and Obito felt his soul leave his body. Rin, if you’re listening, I think I’m in love. Send help.

-

The sun was fully set when he noticed Kakashi’s chakra signature slowed to a dull hum. He was tired. Obito couldn’t blame him, considering he’d used more chakra in one day than he probably had since the war. Which was only a few days ago. Yikes.

Feeling bold, Obito got up to sit beside Kakashi, pressing against his side. Kakashi let out a long breath and rested his head on Obito’s shoulder, his eyes fluttering shut.

Obito decided suddenly that yes, he did have a heart and yes, it was melting.

It was cold. Not winter cold, but cold enough to make Kakashi slip his hand into Obito’s. It was definitely the cold, not a romantic gesture. Obito was sure of it. Absolutely positive.

That didn’t prevent Obito’s heart from speeding up in his chest. Fuck, Kakashi could definitely hear that. Stupid Kakashi with his dog senses.

After what seemed like ages of listening to Kakashi’s breaths, not that he didn’t mind that, he heard his heartbeat slow, indicating sleep. Holy shit, he had it bad. How did he not notice before? Not that he was the best with emotions, though. It had taken him, what, two years to realize he liked Rin? She was laughing at him now, he could feel it. Stupid Kakashi, making his heart all clumsy.

He sat there, Kakashi by his side until sunrise, counting the beats of their hearts.

-

With morning came awkwardness. He had also drifted off. Not that he needed sleep, but who could resist when they were so warm and happy?

But his eyes blinked open to see Kakashi next to him, rubbing his sleepy eyes with messy hair and- fuck. If there was one thing Obito hated more than Madara and his dumb plan, it was having a crush. Especially on Bakashi.

Kakashi smiled at him, face still masked.  
“Ah, Obito. I was wondering if you’d died.”

Obito scoffed and looked away, “As if I’d die in my sleep. That would be a disappointing way to go out.”

“Well,” Kakashi said, his voice teasing, “I would think you’d die from those heart palpitations you were having last night. Don’t tell me you have something other than asthma as well..?” 

Obito sputtered, scrambling backwards.  
“Hey, I was just nervous that we’d be attacked or something! My chakra is gone so I can’t protect us, yknow!”

Kakashi blinked innocently. “Ah, I see! Good to know you’re not coming down with something.” He moved and brushed himself off. “Can’t have my dear Obito getting killed off in the night.”

Obito was dying and Kakashi was his killer. He was DEFINITELY doing this on purpose. He knew, he fucking knew.

Well, two could play at that game.

-

It began to rain.

Obito always had a soft spot for rainy days. His grandmother would make him tea and tell him stories of his parents while he listened eagerly, picturing them as nothing short of heroes.

Even rainy days in those years he spent wasted were kind. He had never been more hateful and lonely, but the rain gave him peace. It would cleanse his soul and he could focus on the goal.

But now he was leaning against the tree, watching Kakashi doze and feeling the rain drip down his face, through his hair, against his skin. It was nice.

Kakashi, though, did not seem to think so, considering how he sat up and glared at Obito.

“You should have woken me, I wasn’t planning on getting all wet.” Kakashi said, getting to his feet shakily. Obito grinned. Standing was progress.

He moved from the tree and went over to put and arm around Kakashi’s shoulders, leading him under the tree he was just at.

Obito helped Kakashi down, sitting next to him.  
Then Kakashi stripped off his vest and shirt, and suddenly his heart was all spasm-y again.

He looked anywhere but Kakashi, who let out a chuckle. He finally looked over to him again and his face flushed. Kakashi was not wearing his mask.

He was.. beautiful. Milky skin, marked by only the scar over his eye and a beauty mark on his chin. He was stunning.

Without thinking he reached out, swiping a thumb over the spot on Kakashi’s chin.

Kakashi laid his hand on Obito’s chest and looked up at him, his eyes following the divots that trailed his face.

“They’re hideous,” Obito laughed, touching his cheek.

Kakashi cupped Obito’s face in his hands. “Your scars are beautiful. They’re proof that you survived, despite it all.” He let his hand slide down the other’s face, feeling the dips and furrows under his fingertips. “Your scars tell a story, Obito. A story of you.” He smiled and patted Obito’s cheek. “So don’t be so hard on yourself, okay?”

And then Kakashi’s mouth was on his and then Obito’s hands were on his hips and suddenly, Obito liked the rain a lot more.

-

“I love you,” Obito whispered, Kakashi in his arms, curled into his chest. Kakashi pulled away and looked at him, his face reddening. 

“I...” Kakashi brought his hands up to cover his mouth, turning a remarkable shade of red. “I love- I love you too.” He stuttered out.

THAT’S what got Bakashi flustered? Declarations of love? Obito chuckled, touching his forehead to Kakashi’s. He couldn’t get enough of it, the contact, the touching, the feel of Kakashi’s skin, of his hair, of him. He had gone too long without. A child with no parents, a boy trapped in a cave, a lost soul alone without a friend in the world, his whole life he had been alone.

Now here he was, lost in the woods and hopelessly in love. Kakashi. He was his other half. He was his love. He silently thanked Rin for leading him this far. His happy ending, he supposed.

-

They whirled back into Konoha, straight into Bitch-sama, no, Tsunade-sama’s office.

“Dear kami, there you two are!” Tsunade yelled, slapping her hands onto her desk. “Where the hell have you two been, Naruto and the others have been wreaking havoc across the village looking for you both.”

Obito glanced to Kakashi, hoping for backup, and sighed when he caught Kakashi’s ‘you caused this you solve it’ glare.

“Well,” Obito began, “we wanted some dango, and the dango shops were closed, so we took a trip to Kirigakure?”

Tsunade’s eye twitched and she sank down into her chair. “Shizune, get me a drink, I can’t handle these two. You’re both dismissed, please tell Naruto you’re back before he destroys the village.”

Kakashi nodded and took Obito’s hand, smiling.  
“Well, seems we’ve caused a mess again, haven’t we?”

Obito rolled his eyes as Kakashi tugged him out of the office. “Hardly, compared to what a disaster we caused last time.”

Kakashi shook his head. “That was your disaster, not mine.”

Obito squeezed Kakashi’s hand. “Hey, you’re not all that innocent, Bakashi!”

“Neither are you,” Kakashi added with a wink.

Maybe this reality was worth living for after all, Obito thought. For the first time in a long time, he looked forward to what the future held, as long as he got that dango.


End file.
